This fits closely with what we see clinically around chronic relational stress and allostatic load. It’s especially striking that ambivalent relationships not purely negative ones show the strongest biological impact. Unpredictability and mixed signals keep the nervous system activated, which is far more taxing than stress that’s clear and containable. The takeaway isn’t just “cut people off,” but learning to set boundaries, diversify sources of support, and reduce prolonged exposure to relational ambiguity that keeps the body in a constant state of threat.
Please allow me to first say this. I have always enjoyed reading your work in BBC, maybe couple years ago(?). That was how I got link-introduced into Substack. Thank you.
Hasslers are necessary for self growth. Too little, not effective. Too much, destructive.
Hermits do well without hasslers but may be out of touch with contemporary culture/Reality. However, some are called Visionary while others are just plain Nuts. Again, that was how prophets were created. Today we call them research scientists.
Ambivalent hasslers in Asian society comes from within one's own family. So, it is basically a clash of values and culture...signs of the modern times. Some cultures (Western) deal better than Asian (Eastern) for obvious reasons. But they have other issues to deal with. Just look at any political leaders. You can see the marked aging process after their term is up...obvious why tyrants keep a loyal followers of yes-men in their inner circle to avoid hassler-toxic environment, and also to support their regime.
Thank you for reading! You’d expect the good to outweigh the bad, wouldn’t you? But this fits with other research on frenemies - they’re more toxic than the consistently mean people.
This fits closely with what we see clinically around chronic relational stress and allostatic load. It’s especially striking that ambivalent relationships not purely negative ones show the strongest biological impact. Unpredictability and mixed signals keep the nervous system activated, which is far more taxing than stress that’s clear and containable. The takeaway isn’t just “cut people off,” but learning to set boundaries, diversify sources of support, and reduce prolonged exposure to relational ambiguity that keeps the body in a constant state of threat.
Really enjoying this newsletter! 💕
Thank you Natasha! As you know, I’m a huge fan of your writing too 😊
Please allow me to first say this. I have always enjoyed reading your work in BBC, maybe couple years ago(?). That was how I got link-introduced into Substack. Thank you.
Hasslers are necessary for self growth. Too little, not effective. Too much, destructive.
Hermits do well without hasslers but may be out of touch with contemporary culture/Reality. However, some are called Visionary while others are just plain Nuts. Again, that was how prophets were created. Today we call them research scientists.
Ambivalent hasslers in Asian society comes from within one's own family. So, it is basically a clash of values and culture...signs of the modern times. Some cultures (Western) deal better than Asian (Eastern) for obvious reasons. But they have other issues to deal with. Just look at any political leaders. You can see the marked aging process after their term is up...obvious why tyrants keep a loyal followers of yes-men in their inner circle to avoid hassler-toxic environment, and also to support their regime.
Thanks again for your contents.
I was surprised to see that ambivalent hasslers showed a stronger association to ageing than sole hasslers!
Thank you for reading! You’d expect the good to outweigh the bad, wouldn’t you? But this fits with other research on frenemies - they’re more toxic than the consistently mean people.
Yes, definitely wouldn't think that. This was so good. Thanks for sharing!